Tightrope
by Sandylee007
Summary: Being married to someone like Clint Barton is never easy. Five times when Laura could handle the terrifying insanity. And one time she couldn't. The story of their love is a tightrope of tears, pain, love, angst and comfort.                INSPIRED BY THE SONG 'TIGHTROPE' FROM MICHELLE WILLIAMS
1. Hand in my hand, And we promised

A/N: SOOOO… This was one of those ideas that just jumped on me. Out of nowhere. And here we are. (chuckles)

DISCLAIMER: Me owns NOTHING. The song inspring this, the characters, the picture next to the title… They all belong to the geniuses who created them. (smiles) All I've got is a busy head and a bunch of DVDs.

WARNINGS: CLAURA, descriptions of injury and violence, adult themes, language… (Yes, Steve, language.) Uh… You still out there…?

SONG INSPIRATION: 'Tightrope' from 'The Greatest Showman' (Michelle Williams)

Awkay… Because starting something new is always nerve-wrecking… Let's go! I REALLY hope that you'll enjoy the ride.

* * *

1 – Hand in my hand, And we promised to never let go

* * *

The fact that Clint had a gunshot wound when they met for the first time should've been a warning sign. The fact that the encounter happened at an ER where Laura worked as a nurse wasn't reassuring, either. And perhaps she should've started running away when she had to patch him up again on their first date. But one of those things Laura and Clint had in common was that they were both too stubborn for their own good. With the first signs of just how easily she could lose him Laura began to hold on tighter. Like her sheer willpower would be enough to keep his horribly dangerous lifestyle from catching up with him.

In return he came back to her, time after time. Far too often with injuries and new shadows hiding in the depths of his eyes, tainting the way they shone for her like two stars. And every time he came back he stood at her door, even when he could barely actually stand. Even when he had to spend some time at a hospital first.

Then came one late evening, roughly three weeks after their fifth official date, that was… more dramatic than the reunions before.

The second Laura came back from a grocery store and noticed that her apartment's door wasn't closed properly she froze. A cold, steel-hard ball swell in the pit of her stomach while she evaluated her options. Then decided that she was definitely out of her mind.

Laura's steps were practically soundless as she approached and eventually entered the apartment. No lights had been switched on but she could feel a presence. It was sort of hard not to once she noticed the stains of blood leading to the bathroom.

There, finally, some light waited. Which wasn't much comfort with what was revealed. The package of chamomile tea she just bought from a grocery store fell unnaturally loudly.

From that day on the scent of chamomile tea made Laura throw up every single time.

There was blood, a rather disturbing amount of it. And in the middle of it lay Clint on his back. Bruised, pale and unmoving.

Laura was fairly sure that she held her breath while shock set in. She expelled the building up pressure with a barely audible, gasped whisper. "Oh, god…" Then, in a razor-sharp flash, her professional instincts kicked in. She crash-landed to the floor with a brutal amount of force that made her knees scream. The second she was close enough her hands were working busily. Evaluating, seeking, hoping, hoping, hoping… "Clint?" She shook him as much as she dared to with no idea of his injuries. "Can you hear me?" It was a surprise how even her voice sounded. Shock does miracles to a person, it seems.

Clint's eyelids fluttered, then opened the slightest bit. He squinted against the light before managing to focus on her, at least a little. "Sorry." It was just one word but seemed to require a tremendous amount of effort. "… made a mess …"

"Yeah, Barton, you did." Laura wasn't sure if she wanted to laugh, cry or punch him. In the end she chose to focus on what looked suspiciously like a gunshot wound. She didn't like how close to his delicate stomach area the injury was. Or how much dark blood kept flowing out. She had to swallow thrice before she could trust her voice. "I have to move you a little. Did you hurt your back at any point?" If the idiot succeeded in suffering damage to his spine… The barely visible shake of a head which cut her trail of thought was a small comfort. "Okay. Okay. This is going to hurt, but I need you to keep breathing. And I need you to stay awake. Are we clear?"

Did Clint actually have the nerve to try and grin? Quite the accomplishment for someone barely conscious. "Yes, ma'am", he managed.

Laura rolled her eyes, her body too much in a shock to register the tidal wave of worry that made her hands tremble. She steeled herself, then grabbed Clint. And began to shift him.

Clint moaned, so low that it sounded more like a growl. His whole body was shaking almost like it'd been spasming from agony and shock. She like she'd been punched upon facing the fact that her inspection confirmed what she feared. There was no exit wound. And to make matters worse, her jostling him shifted the bullet just enough to make the bleeding worse. She cursed, loudly and colorfully.

Clint emitted something raspy that could've been a chuckle. It turned into a heart wrenching mew when she shifted him back to his original position, even the gentlest of maneuvering too much on him. "… language …"

She glared at him, some of the sheer terror transforming to anger. "You're bleeding out on my bathroom floor. You don't get to be a language police", she snapped more harshly than she'd intended.

Clint didn't seem to mind, barely seemed to hear her. His eyelids were drooping and he was struggling to keep focusing on her. She was losing him.

Laura cursed again. It helped her mind latch on solving the problem. "I'll have to remove the bullet." She wouldn't be able to do much about the bleeding with the bullet in her way. "And… Sorry, but… It's not gonna be a lot of fun."

It was Clint's turn to steel himself. He gritted his teeth so hard that it made a sound and fixed all his attention on the ceiling. Gulping air into her unpleasantly tight lungs Laura searched the first aid kit Clint had dumped on the floor and found a set of tweezers. Not exactly ideal and definitely not sanitary enough. But if the other option was watching her boyfriend actually bleeding out…

Clint remained incredibly, almost infuriatingly, strong for a very long time. But eventually the procedure got to him. By the time Laura had almost reached the bullet he screamed and squeezed his eyes tightly shut.

Getting the bullet out was easier than Laura had expected. Trying to get the bleeding to stop… Now that turned out to be a challenge. Just like keeping her surprise patient awake.

"Clint!" She sounded absolutely terrified. "What did I tell you about staying awake? Eyes on me!" She pretended that she didn't know why her eyes blurred. "You… You should be in an operating theater…!"

Clint shook his head as much as someone in his condition could. "No… 'pitals… Or clinics… 'd find me…"

By then Laura's hands were slick with red. How much longer, before…? Her heart was racing while her boyfriend's whole system struggled to keep him alive. "What about S.H.I.E.L.D? They have…"

Clint's eyes, what little she could see of them, darkened. "Too far." It was a fact they were much too aware of. If they wanted him to have even the slightest chance…

Laura pressed down harder and bit her lip to not cry out at how his body arched as a protest. "I, ah… I have to apply pressure." Because the bleeding still wasn't stopping.

"… 's okay." Clint's trembling was slowing, fading away. Just like the light in his barely open eyes. He offered her the best smile he possibly could. "… 'tever 'ppens… 's okay." With those rather ominous words he lost consciousness.

Laura stared for a second. Not wanting to comprehend… To even imagine… "No!" she barked out with all the fight there was in her. A desperate, terrified animal facing a battle. "No, no, no…! Barton, you a…!"

She never got the chance to finish. Because just then steps entered through the apartment's door she never remembered to close. And before she understood fully what was happening a small army of medical professionals barged in, started barking orders and working on Clint. When they pushed her out of the way she hissed and prepared herself to fight. Until a man in a suit who appeared seemingly out of thin air grabbed her wrist.

"Let them work." In comparison to his outfit and the overall aura of threatening authority around him his voice was surprisingly gentle. Did it… almost break? "We need to give them room to work." Despite her continuing protests he pulled her firmly towards the bathroom's door. "They'll do everything they can to help him. I promise. The best we can do is stay out of the way."

Laura wanted to argue. Because she wanted to be close. Needed to…

Laura had no idea how she ended up sitting at the kitchen table. There was a mug of what smelled like vanilla tea in front of her. She had no intention of touching it. She swallowed convulsively when her gaze fell on her blood-soaked hands. They were trembling, still feeling like they were holding Clint's very life.

"You must be Laura. I've… heard a lot about you, since I told Clint that I know he's found someone." Despite obvious exhaustion and worry that was visible through his mask of professionalism it the man smiled. "I'm Coulson. Phil."

"Oh." Laura blinked. Then looked away, a little embarrassed by how she sounded. "Sorry. I just… I was expecting someone… older. And more intimidating."

To her relief Phil smiled, clearly not offended.

They both tensed up and looked towards the bathroom when there was commotion. Laura grabbed and held on to the chair so tightly that her knuckles turned white. The desire to run there…

"I'm sorry that you had to get involved like this. There… was a mission involving corrupted cops. One of them got away. That's why he couldn't go to a hospital. So… He chose to trust you."

Laura nodded, trying to convince her buzzing head into processing the information. She was fairly sure that she wasn't supposed to hear that much. But it was good to understand what was going on.

She felt Phil's eyes on her. He was silent for a while before continuing quietly. "You know… I'm glad that he finally has someone like you."

Laura gave him a wry smile. With the adrenaline and fight draining from her, she wanted to sob and laugh hysterically. "You mean someone to patch up that idiot every time he gets into these messes?"

Phil chuckled. There was little humor in the sound. "That, too. And someone for him to fight for." The man took a sip of tea and winced at the taste. "This… is just…" The agent trailed off.

"I think it expired six months ago."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

Silence lingered for a long time, heavy but not uncomfortable. Once again Phil broke it. "You know… I did wonder what kind of a woman he found." The agent gave her a small, soft smile. "This, you and him… It makes sense."

"I'm… not sure if I should feel flattered or insulted."

They were tense and dead-tired. Which was why neither could help it. They burst into fits of hysterical chuckles. Laura chose to blame the moisture that gathered into her eyes on laughter.

It was a long, horrible night.

"Hey, Phil?" She raised her mug although she wasn't planning on touching the substance. "It's… It's good to finally meet you. You were starting to feel like some sort of a myth."

Phil grinned and raised his mug in return. This time he was smart enough to not take a sip. "It's good to meet you, too."

It was a long, horrible night – but at least they didn't have to face it alone.

* * *

By the time morning dawned Laura's bedroom looked like a miniature hospital. She stood by the doorway and stared, wondering if it was all real. The machinery… Clint lay in her bed…

It was terrifying how frail someone so strong could seem.

Aside a nurse and a doctor who'd taken the morning shift the medical team had left. Phil remained and soon stood beside her. "In case you're worried… As far as the medical team knows you're just a Good Samaritan who chose to help."

Laura nodded. In full honesty, at the moment her relationship with Clint being exposed was something that barely crossed her mind. "How is he?"

Phil sighed, or perhaps rather yawned. "Stable, at least for now. If he stays that way for a day or so we can relax a bit. Assuming that there won't be any infections or other complications."

Laura nodded. She felt oddly numb. None of this seemed real to her sleep deprived mind.

Phil's phone buzzed. The agent swore under his breath. "I've gotta go. Fury wants a debrief." The man shifted with discomfort, his reluctance to leave almost palpable. "You'll… let me know if anything changes, right?"

He seemed so uncomfortable and vulnerable that she fought the urge to give his hand a comforting squeeze. Instead she smiled the best as she could. "I will." She went on when he was almost out of earshot. "And, since he can't tell you yet… None of this was your fault."

"How can you know that?"

"Because he trusts you. Probably more than anyone in this world." She looked at the unconscious man and wished that she could've… "He wouldn't trust someone who doesn't do everything possible to ensure that he's safe during missions, every time. Besides… I don't think he needs you to get himself into a trouble."

Phil stood frozen for a second or two. Then took his leave. "I'll stop by later."

"With coffee?"

"That's expired, too?" Phil groaned. "Remind me to never eat or drink anything when I visit you two."

'You two.' Laura mulled over those seemingly simple words. Tried to imagine what could be, if…

Well. Silly, childish daydreams could wait. Weddings, kids… For now she'd focus on making sure that Clint would survive and they'd get to have date number six. She told herself that for now that was enough.

The stench of his blood refused to leave her nose even when she sat down beside him and held his hand almost painfully tightly.

* * *

Clint defied all expectations and started waking up when that evening darkened to a night. Laura herself was nearly dozing off on her chair when she caught the slightest bit of movement. Despite the fact that she hadn't slept in about two days she was instantly on full alert. Her heart fluttered with dangerous hope.

"Clint?" Her voice quivered. She didn't care. "Can you… Can you hear me?"

"Hmh." His eyes opened a little and peered around. What looked like a smirk appeared to his face. "Your bedroom again?"

"Yeah", she confirmed dryly. "Because you seem to imagine that this is some sort of a hospital." That was cruel, perhaps.

The guilt flooding into Clint's eyes made her regret her words instantly. He shifted with discomfort, avoiding her eyes. "Laura, I'm sorry…"

Laura couldn't bear to hear the rest. Instead she sealed him into a searing kiss that his injuries quite possible wouldn't have allowed. "Shut up, Barton", she breathed against his lips when they broke apart. Never once letting of his hand. "Just… Just come back, every time. Always come back to me. That's enough."

Of course they both knew, on a level of reason, that there was no way Clint could swear that. But still… She chose to take his lips on hers as a promise, because she had to.

He came home. He was still fighting. And as long as he'd keep fighting so would she, with tooth and nail, for them both.

Because as new as their relationship was, she realized that they were already in this insanity together. And when Laura embraced Clint and kissed the top of his head she couldn't imagine ever wanting it any other way. No matter how much it hurt sometimes.

* * *

End of chapter

* * *

A/N: Aaaaw! So devoted to each other from quite early stages. (smiles) BUT, fate will continue to slam them hard… (winces)

SOOOO… ANY good, AT ALL? Would you like to read a few more chapters? PLEASE, do let me know! I'd love to hear from you.

In any case, THANK YOU so much for reading!

Awkay, I have to get some sleep. Who knows. Maybe I'll see you guys again later.

Take care!


	2. Will You Catch Me, If I Should Fall?

A/N: That's right, folks – it's time for another chapter! Yay…?

FIRST, though…! THANK YOU, from the bottom of my heart, for your reviews and support! I can't even begin to explain how much they mean to me. (HUGS)

Awkay, I'm getting way too mushy. SOOO, let's go! I REALLY hope that you'll enjoy the ride.

 **THIS CHAPTER is something I somewhat explored in my 'Hawkeye Farm Tales' collection, but has a slightly different approach.**

 **TRIGGER WARNING for miscarriage.**

* * *

Will You Catch Me, If I Should Fall…?

* * *

Laura's parents decided that they hated Clint the second they first lay their eyes on him.

It was immediately obvious that he wasn't from one of those posh families to which they would've wanted her to marry. He wasn't 'one of them' – and oh, how glad Laura was that she wasn't, either! It didn't even help that as far as they knew, Clint worked as a security consultant who traveled all over the world because of work. Him making an honorable living wasn't enough. Nor was the fact that he never once actually gave them any reason to detest him. Nor was it enough that Laura loved him, from the bottom of her heart and soul. That, as far as Laura was concerned, meant that she wasn't enough, either.

"A man like that is only going to leave you broken", her mother warned her.

But they were nonetheless her parents. So she kept trying, contacted them as much as she could bear it. And there were moments that one wants desperately to share with her mother. Such as discovering that she was pregnant for the very first time.

Very soon Laura found herself regretting her decision to ever call. Her mother was silent for a long moment. Then dropped the verbal bomb. " _How are you going to handle it?_ "

Laura froze. She was so shocked that it took a considerable amount of time before she managed to utter a sound. "What?"

" _You're obviously not having a bastard child with someone like him, Laura._ " Her mother had the nerve to sound exasperated. " _I don't know what this rebellious phase of yours has been all about. But now it's gone too far…_ "

Laura hung up. It was all she could do. She was so far gone into a shock that she didn't notice the rivers of tears running down her cheeks. Her aching, breaking heart hammered desperately in her chest.

Clint, who'd without a doubt heard every word, wrapped his arms around her from behind and pulled her protectively towards him.

* * *

The second time Laura discovered that she was pregnant she didn't contact her parents. Baby-Cooper aside she was completely, utterly alone when the horribly painful cramps began in the middle of grocery shopping. Through the chaos taking over her head she knew one thing with absolute certainty, and the realization smashed her pounding heart to pieces.

She was losing the baby.

Laura remembered very little of what came next. There were people asking if she was alright, poking at her, doing all sorts of tests. She didn't care about the results. Not when she already knew the only thing that mattered.

The hospital room where she became coherent was cold and painfully bright. Laura sat on the uncomfortable bed, holding on to Cooper with all her might. Terrified beyond all belief that he might be stolen from her, too.

The gentle, genuinely compassionate voice of a nurse barely registered to her. "Laura?" A hand took hers. She didn't want it. It wasn't Clint's. "Is there anyone we could call? Someone who could come over to support you?"

Laura opened her mouth. Then closed it. She'd always been an independent person who never, ever asked anyone for help. But now she would've needed someone to hold her, comfort her. Someone to tell her that this wasn't her fault and that everything would be alright, even if those words would've been a lie.

Clint would've been the first and obvious choice. But he was on a mission. She didn't have any idea where, exactly, he was. Or how he was. Hell, if he was even alive. (Which was something she absolutely couldn't bear thinking, especially at the moment.) Calling him… It was out of question. Phil and Natasha were also both on a mission, the former with Clint. The rest of those few friends she once had… They belonged to the life _before_.

For a few seconds Laura was desperate enough to entertain the thought of calling her parents. Because she would've needed her mother, desperately. Until she remembered, vividly, why she couldn't call them. The last thing she wanted was her mother scolding her, criticizing her, criticizing Clint.

So Laura shook her head, slowly, her eyes firmly on the child she hadn't failed to protect yet.

"Alright." There was no judgement in that tone, which she might've been able to appreciate under different circumstances. The nurse gave her a moment, clearly sensing how close to losing control over herself she was. "Would you like to talk to someone? I could ask our therapist to come and see you."

Laura shook her head again. What good would any talking do? It wouldn't bring her child back. She wondered if she'd gone mute until she heard her own barely recognizable voice. "Can I go home?" She wanted to go home. Even if she, on a level of reason and with the education of a nurse, knew that it wasn't an option. She wanted to curl up in her own bed. Where she and her babies…

The nurse, a pretty young woman with big hazel eyes and long blonde hair, frowned. "Laura… I'm sorry, but… You can't go home just yet. Not before the procedure. Remember?"

No. She didn't remember, although they'd clearly gone through this at least once before. Laura's jawline tightened before she finally unleashed the sickening word. "Procedure?"

The nurse sighed. "You've lost a bit of blood, and there's still bleeding. So… Dr. Thomas wants to do a small surgical procedure, just to make sure that you're okay and that… Well."

"The baby is all gone?" Laura murmured, how voice hollow and barely audible.

"Yeah."

Laura knew that it'd have to be done. But the thought of having what little there still was left of her second child carved away from where those remnants were safe and sound inside her… She couldn't stand it. "Can you…" She cleared her throat. "Can you wait? Just a couple of minutes?"

The nurse seemed to understand and nodded compassionately. "Of course. Just press the call button when you're ready." With one more squeeze of a hand that was supposed to be reassuring the woman left to give her a moment of privacy.

Laura swallowed thickly and blinked rapidly. Then lowered her gaze slowly. Mercifully Cooper was fast asleep, unaware of the pain, drama, grief and loss. Almost reluctantly she shifted her gaze to her belly. If she looked closely she could see the tiny swell, the promise of life. Laura shuddered and licked her lips.

"I… I think you would've been a little girl", she whispered in a choked tone. "A real princess. Your daddy, he… He would've spoiled you rotten. Uncle Phil and auntie Nat… They would've spoiled you, too." She swallowed when the lump in her throat threatened to choke her and raised her hand but couldn't bring herself to lay it against her stomach. Not anymore. Not when she knew that… "Your daddy… He really wanted to see you. We both did." She fisted her hand so tightly that nails dug into skin. "I… I'm sorry, sweetheart. I'm so sorry that… that I failed you." _That my body betrayed you._ "That I couldn't…" She gasped, only then realizing that she'd barely breathed for a while. Her eyes grew so misty that she barely saw her stomach-area. "I love you, sweetheart. I need you to know that. Even if… Even if I have to let them take you away." The thought of the oncoming procedure made her feel sick. She wrestled past the bout of nausea with effort. "And your daddy loves you too, too. He'd tell you that, if he could be here. We'll always love you, no matter what. If… If we would've been able to keep you here with love… Then you would've lived to a hundred." She wiped her eyes, a little surprised when there was no moisture. "And… We'll never, ever forget you. I just… I wish that we would've gotten the chance to hold you, at least once…" She trailed off, choking on her words. There were so many things she would've wished for the child she lost.

Laura wanted to cry, desperately. But she couldn't. Nor could she cry when a nurse took Cooper gently from her and she was taken to an operating theater. The painfully bright, artificial lights hurt her eyes but no tears came as she stared at the ceiling determinedly. She did whatever she could to try and not think about what was happening.

The same nurse who talked to her earlier took her hand again. Oh, what Laura would've given if the hand was Clint's instead…! "Try to relax, alright? This will be over soon", the nurse advised her gently.

 _No it won't_ , Laura wanted to snap back but there wasn't enough spark and breath in her for words. So she just lay there. All too aware of what the doctor working on her lower parts was doing.

And she missed Clint more than she ever had before, because she'd never felt so utterly lonely in her entire life.

* * *

They must've given Laura some medication she couldn't remember a thing about later. Because she dozed off to a light, fitful slumber. Oblivious even to Cooper's tiny gurgles and chirps coming from the tiny bed beside hers. Or perhaps her mind simply detached her from reality on its own.

Laura startled to full alertness with a shudder when her phone received a message. She swallowed and blinked, for a few moments of bliss wondering if the whole ordeal was just a nightmare. Until the ache flaring from her private parts and abdomen proved her differently.

Her eyes misty again and her hand unsteady, she grabbed her phone. The message was from Clint. ' _On my way back home in one piece. I miss you._ '

Laura stared. And stared. Until she finally did what she'd been craving to do since the beginning of this horror story.

She burst into loud, hysterical sobs.

* * *

Clint, to his eternal shame, couldn't convince himself to go home immediately. Not when he had no idea what was waiting for him, and a far too clear idea of what wasn't. (It was Phil who drove him home, announcing gently but uncompromisingly that he and Laura needed each other right now.) Evening had darkened long ago when he finally walked through the familiar door with heavy steps.

Laura seemed heartbreakingly small and pale there on their couch, buried by a blanket with a bucket of ice-cream she didn't seem to want in her hold. He could see instantly that she'd been crying and his first instinct was to run to her. Instead his feet were rooted to the floor. They stared at each other for a long, agonizing moment, their shared pain striking them breathless. "Is that chocolate ice cream?" he managed at last.

Perhaps he finally did something right that day. Because Laura relaxed marginally. "I had a feeling that you'd want to join in." The cautious hope and hints of doubt in her tone made his stomach twist from guilt. (How could she ever wonder if he still wanted her?) What he saw in her eyes… That was something even more unbearable.

Clint grinned through the pulsating agony, knowing all too well that it was probably closer to a grimace. He finally gave in to the urge and made his way to her. He sat behind her and pulled her close, even when the comfort and protection came far too late. His hands pressing against her stomach was almost more than he could bear. He'd never, ever forgive himself for making her go through… what she did alone. He'd never, ever forgive himself for not being there for his girls when they needed him the most.

When Laura fed him ice-cream he wondered why it tasted like tears.

Neither noticed the passing time. It hardly mattered that eventually it was one in the morning. His sore, stiff body shivered when Laura murmured softly. "We never even got a picture of her."

"'Her'?" he echoed absentmindedly, feeding her a spoonful of long ago melted ice cream.

Laura snuggled closer for comfort, for some reason still trusting him, still wanting him. "I have a feeling that it would've been a girl this time." She shook her head and sobbed once, the sound tearing at Clint like claws. "I know that it's stupid…"

Clint fed her more ice cream because he couldn't stand the ache of hearing more. "I think it would've been a girl, too", he decided thoughtfully. Barely able to speak through the lump in his throat. "She would've been perfect. Just like you." _And I wonder what I did right to deserve you._

Laura snorted. It was her turn to feed ice cream and some of it ended up staining his nose. "Let me tell you, smooth talking little devil, that I'm not perfect."

Clint wanted to make her laugh. Wanted to make her feel like the world wasn't ending. (Even when a small piece of it did end that day.) He did his best to smile, unaware of the tears in his eyes. "I know. You snore."

Laura did laugh. Until the chuckles turned to sobs. Clint held on to her with all his might, terrified that if he let go he'd lose her, too. He didn't dare to let go even after she eventually cried herself to sleep. He didn't close his eyes. The dreams he would've had weren't such he would've been able to stand.

His hand pressed desperately against the stomach that no longer contained life, Clint felt that there was something missing from deep inside him as well.

* * *

End of tale

* * *

A/N: (If you want to read Laura's side of that final scene, check out chapter 'Lila' of 'Hawkeye Farm Tales'.)

Oh, those poor dears…! (whimpers) Thank gosh we know that they eventually did get a little princess to embrace.

SOOOO… Any good? At all? PLEASE, do let me know!

IN THE NEXT ONE we dive in to the torment that was post-Loki…

Until next time, folks! I REALLY hope that I'll see you all there.

Take care!

* * *

 **PrincessFirestar** : Definitely both! Poor dears. (sighs) I'm positively ADDICTED to that song, and it's the PERFECT theme song for this couple! I REALLY HOPE that you'll enjoy what's to come as much.

Colossal thank yous for the review!


	3. Together we're lost in a dream

A/N: PHEW! I've had a big part of this typed FOR AGES. But it took A LONG time to actually complete this. You'll see why when you read the tale… Poor Clint…! (winces)

THANK YOU, from the bottom of my heart, for your reviews and support! It ALWAYS warms my heart that there are others who love Clint (almost) as much as I do. (smiles and HUGS)

 **TRIGGER WARNING for almost subtly hinted suicidal thoughts – we're sailing dark waters, here…! (But don't worry, we know by now that the storm passed eventually.)**

Sooo… Brace yourselves, yeah? It'll get stormy.

* * *

Together we're lost in a dream

* * *

The time after the Battle of New York… There was no other choice to describe it than nightmare. Laura had only a vague idea of what her husband went through. Given by Natasha, because Clint wasn't talking. And Phil… Phil would never tell anyone anything again.

Natasha was the one who brought the archer home. The second Laura's eyes met his – briefly, before he looked away – she knew that he was… different. That there was something missing, even if he was alive and standing, pale, exhausted and gaunt. He was trembling miserably and looked around him as though unable to recognize his surroundings.

Laura's first instinct was to run into his arms and kiss him until she could believe that he was there. But she was paralyzed, unable to decide what to do with the stranger that'd taken over her husband's body. As it turned out she didn't have to choose.

Clint went from zero to hyper in a flash and marched across the room so quickly that both women shuddered. Even if he walked with a limp. "I, ah…" He cleared his throat. It didn't make his voice sound any more familiar. "Bathroom." He'd left the room before the echo of the final word died.

"I would've brought him home sooner." Helpless fury burned in Natasha's eyes as they looked into the direction to which Clint disappeared. "But S.H.I.E.L.D insisted that he had to be interrogated. To make sure that he isn't a threat anymore. Higher ups overruled Fury's protests."

Laura swallowed. She felt sick to her stomach. "I've never seen him like that." She sounded every bit as terrified as she felt. Of what'd become of him. That it was already too late to bring back the man she loved.

Judging by the look on her face and the tone of her voice, Natasha shared that fear. "Me neither. Loki shook him up pretty badly." And her as well, apparently.

In the silence that followed they shared a determined glance. They already lost Phil. They'd make sure that they wouldn't lose Clint as well. Natasha brought back from mind control – Laura would have to figure out a way to bring him back from the monsters that were still inside his head. "Thank you, for bringing him back to us."

"Anytime. Just… Take care of that idiot." Natasha shifted and grabbed the door handle. Clearly leaving wasn't easy. "Tell him that I'm expecting a text in the morning." That sounded just as much like a plea as it felt like an endearment.

Laura sank deep into dark thoughts after Natasha's abrupt departure. She shivered when Clint's quiet, hoarse voice whispered all of a sudden. "Did Nat leave already?"

"Like she'd ever hold still for long." She beckoned her husband to come closer with one hand. When he didn't move a muscle she did instead. Walked as close as humanly possible, fighting to ignore how it made him tense up. She wrapped her arms around him and pulled him close with all her might. Inhaled his familiar scent and closed her eyes, trembling to the core of her being. She got him back. What was left of him, anyway.

"Come back. That's all I ask, remember?" She buried her face into his shoulder. "And you did."

Clint said nothing.

It took a while before she realized why his body was shaking the way it did. To recognize the wounded, agonized sounds as sobs. She held him tighter as he broke down, terrified that if she loosened her hold he might float away.

Neither of them slept that night, no matter how exhausted they were. Partially because they both knew the truth. Loki was out of Clint's head but there was still a ticking time-bomb in his mind, doomed to go off sooner or later.

* * *

Laura would've never, ever admitted it out loud. Her husband had more than enough burden on his shoulders already. But the two weeks after Clint's return were some of the longest and most harrowing of her life. It was like a stranger had moved into her family's home and the kids clearly sensed it as well, even Lila despite her age. They didn't know how to approach this new version of their daddy and he kept them deliberately at arm's length, clearly terrified that he'd harm them somehow. He barely ate and slept even less. From those precious and agonizing few moments when he drifted off he came back screaming in a voice that was barely human. Laura didn't want to know what monsters haunted him in his sleep.

During that time Fury remained missing but Natasha did her best to help. Unfortunately _the aftermath_ wasn't easy on anyone and she had missions to take care of. Sometimes the redhead and Clint had long talks that made the whole house's atmosphere grow heavy. Natasha came out of those paler than usual, Clint usually remained in whichever room they occupied and didn't emerge for hours. Two therapists attempted to start working with him but they gave up quickly, deeming him a lost cause. Both of them would've wanted to have him committed but Laura refused fiercely, knowing that it'd be the final straw that'd kill what was left of her husband. At some point an invitation to Phil's funeral came. Laura couldn't go because she was a secret. Clint couldn't go because it would've _crushed_ him, especially when a part of S.H.I.E.L.D blamed him almost as much as he did.

Laura was _torn_. She had two traumatized children who couldn't understood what happened to their daddy and clung to her for support. She was grieving Phil Coulson, because while her loss was nothing compared to Clint's the man in a suit had become an irreplaceable friend for her, too. The worst, however, was that she also found herself grieving a man who was very much alive.

Clint had always had periods of time, which sometimes lasted a couple of days, when he barely talked, trapped into a world of his own. Often those occurred after particularly harsh missions. Since Loki her husband had been rendered nearly mute and the look in his eyes chilled her. He refused to let her touch him and avoided coming anywhere near her as much as possible, which hurt no matter how much she reasoned with herself. He spent a lot of time in the barn containing their piece of a junk tractor. On the worst days he couldn't even make it that far and remained in their bedroom. Or locked up to a bathroom, if he didn't want to take even the slightest risk of someone seeing him. (Those were the hours that scared Laura the most.) Most of nighttime he walked around the house like some sort of a friendly ghost. Sometimes she could hear him muttering to himself.

Laura didn't dare to sleep. Couldn't afford letting her guard down. Because with how close to reaching her breaking point she was, she had a horrible feeling that he was almost over the edge already. Then came the night when the edge was reached.

* * *

Laura didn't know when she fell asleep. She woke up to a scream that was all too familiar by then. With a heavy sigh she opened her eyes and turned her head to face Clint's back.

"Hey, honey." She went on when he continued to tremble without the slightest hint of having heard her. "Clint, wake up. It's okay. It's just a nightmare. Wake up. Come back."

Laura beckoned and beckoned until she was hoarse. Then she saw a twitch and tensed up herself. Cautious hope beginning to rise. "Clint?"

He turned very slowly, shadows hiding his eyes from sight. Something that looked suspiciously lot like tears shimmered on his cheeks. He continued to tremble and gasped desperately to breathe properly.

Laura knew that it was stupid. But she was only a human-being and the love of her life was suffering in front of her eyes. She had to do _something_. So she lay a gentle hand against his chest, needing to feel a proof of life.

She had no idea where Loki's weapon touched Clint so she couldn't even imagine how bad the idea was.

Laura had no hope of seeing his attack coming. Not before she was already on the floor, her head spinning and gasping. Then there was a large, calloused hand crushed against her neck.

It was so shocking that Laura didn't even have the time to feel scared. She'd barely registered what happened before their eyes met. Clint's filling with sheer horror, sadness and such guilt that would've torn at anyone's heart. He pulled his hand away like her skin burned and recoiled, stumbled out of her line of vision.

It took Laura far too long to sit up. Her throat and head both hurt but she barely noticed. Because Clint wasn't in the room anymore.

Laura was sure that she'd never been running as fast as she did then. Scared out of her mind that she was too late already. When she finally stumbled outside and saw the shadow trekking away through pouring rain she lunged. Because she knew that if she let Clint go now, she'd never get him back again.

When she wrapped her arms around Clint and tackled him to the wet ground he froze, his heart hammering so wildly that she feared it might not last. "Don't…!" Was that really his voice? "Laura, please, let go…!" She could feel how badly he would've wanted to push her away but didn't dare to touch her. "Don't you see…? Don't touch me…! I can't be here, around you, around the kids…! I can't…!"

"Yes, you can!" Laura snarled. Desperate to lend some of the strength she hadn't known she had left to him. The more he fought the harder she squeezed. (One slip, and he'd be lost forever.) There was so much she wanted to say but only those three words came out while her tears mixed with rain-water. "Yes, you can." _You're not letting go. You're not leaving us. COME BACK!_

Clint continued to tremble. Then, so suddenly that it nearly made her heart stop, he fell completely limp against her. Until he buried his face into her shoulder and _screamed_. And from that sound Clint's battle truly began, from admitting defeat.

They stayed there for a very long time, Laura basically lay on top of Clint. Eventually they were both shaking from cold and soaking wet. It was six thirty in the morning when Clint finally spoke, his voice hoarse and strained. "He… He found out about you… Loki. You, and the kids… He went into my head, and found you. And I couldn't…" He clawed at his face and hair violently with an unsteady hand and she fought the urge to stop him. "You… You have no idea… What he said he'd do… What he said he'd make me do…" He choked and shuddered. "He said he'd…" His voice faded away for a while. "I fought him, I swear…! And now…"

"Clint." Laura took a calculated risk and ran her hand through his hair. Pulled him closer. Let him feel that she was still alive. She squeezed her eyes shut and gritted her teeth before continuing. "I'm here, honey. The kids are here. What happened tonight… It scared me. But…"

"Laura, there can't be another night like this." For the first time since _then_ Clint sounded almost like himself. Even pushed her further gently so they could look at each other. She'd never seen anyone who would've seemed more tired. His hand reached out towards where it hurt her but pulled away the quickly, the slash of agony raw on his face. "What if I… lose it, again? What if it's the kids next time? I… I'm so sorry. But… To get better… I have to be away from here, for a while. I have to find someone who can help. Because… If… _this_ happens, ever again, I…" He trailed off and looked down.

Laura hated the thought of him going away, no matter how brief his absence might be. But she couldn't fight him when she knew that he was right, when she knew that this was what he needed. So she took his hand and squeezed desperately. "Just come back."

He nodded, too breathless for words.

They heard steps approaching. Cooper's voice was sleepy and confused. "Mom? Dad? Why are you sleeping in the rain?"

Laura sobbed and chuckled simultaneously, held on to her husband for as long as she could.

* * *

Natasha appeared less than three hours later. Laura didn't ask the redhead where she'd take Clint. "Bring him back."

"I will", Natasha promised in a soft tone less than a handful of people had been allowed to hear.

Laura smiled. No matter how badly she was aching. "I know. You always do."

Clint didn't look back when he walked away by Natasha's side, because people only look back on the things they've left behind.

That night Laura and Clint both slept heavily. She knocked down by exhaustion, he by heavy medication. They were curled up so that had they been in the same bed, they would've fitted into each other's arms perfectly. Neither had any dreams.

* * *

It took almost longer than Laura could bear but eventually Natasha did keep her promise. The man the redhead brought back was a shadow of the person he once was. But he was still familiar to Laura, alive and whole.

That night, just as the clock struck midnight, they embraced each other with the sheer power of despair. The tears Clint cried weren't those of sorrow. He was slowly coming back to life.

Since then Clint had a picture of his family with him whenever he left the house, so he'd never forget how much he had to fight for.

* * *

End of tale

* * *

A/N: So that was where Clint was during 'Winter Soldier'. Getting some MUCH needed help. Poor guy! (sighs)

Everyone okay after the dark flight? Was that any good? At all? Back to the drawing board? PLEASE, do let me know! I LOVE hearing from you.

Awkay, I should seriously be in bed by now, so… Until next time! I REALLY hope that I'll see you there.

Take care!

* * *

 **PrincessFirestar** : THANK GOSH Lila was born, right? Those poor dears! (whimpers)

I REALLY hope that you'll enjoy what comes next as much.

Massive thank yous for the review!


	4. Some people won't sail the sea

A/N: I'm BAAAAAACK! (grins) And with me I have another addition to this little collection. Yay?

THANK YOU, a million times, for your AMAZING reviews, love and support! They SERIOUSLY warm my old heart. (HUGS)

Awkay, because I don't wanna be a corny sap… Let's go! I REALLY hope that you'll enjoy the ride.

* * *

Some people won't sail the sea 'cause they're safer on land

* * *

Laura was absolutely terrified when Clint headed to his insane missions alone. It was barely even a marginal relief when he later had Natasha with him, because she seemed fairly good at finding trouble as well. Then the Avengers came along.

Men in iron suits. Super soldiers. Gods from a different realm. A monster who brought down whole buildings with ease and often had far too little control over his rage. And then there was her husband, a human and mere mortal, her Clint who went to battles with those people carrying a bow and arrows. _Her Clint_ who had no other super-powers but his huge heart and unhealthy stubbornness. And it scared Laura to death. Because the enemies of those people became her husband's enemies as well.

Trusting Natasha with the love of her life was one of the hardest things Laura had ever done. Trusting that these new, incredible, impossible teammates would have his back like he had theirs was harder.

On the rainy day when they agreed that Clint would officially accept a position in the Avengers they both felt drained after _the talk_. They lay in their bed, as close to each other as humanly possible. Laura fought a mighty war to keep herself from breaking down. "Make sure that they bring you back home", she whispered in the end, a hand held above where his heart was beating.

Clint kissed her but said nothing because they both knew that he hated giving empty promises.

They stayed like that, listening to the rain, through the night. For those few stolen hours Laura had Clint safe in her arms. The selfish part of her wished that they could've stayed like that forever.

* * *

And then came Clint's first call to arms as an Avenger. Laura stayed in the kitchen while he prepared himself. She could bear letting him go but she couldn't watch him bracing himself for it.

She was doing dishes when heavy, booted steps approached her. A tender, gentle hand caressed her cheek. As though apologizing. "Laura…"

She leaned against his touch. Savored it, because there was no telling when she'd feel it again. "I get why you have to go", she assured him softly. Because she knew who and what he was long before she agreed to be with him. She swallowed thickly and closed her eyes when they filled with tears. "It just… stings, a bit."

Clint kissed her neck, then her cheek. But didn't offer words. He knew that none would've made any difference. His arms wrapped around her waistline and held on tight for the longest time. "I noticed a crack on the porch's floor", he announced eventually and leaned his chin on her shoulder. "I'll fix it when I get back."

Laura couldn't hold herself back any longer. She forgot the dishes and spun around so quickly that she caught her husband by surprise. Then pulled him to a searing kiss that promised more. When his hand began to tug off her shirt she lifted her arms readily. (By the time they were done saying goodbye there was soapy water everywhere.)

Clint didn't manage to leave for two more hours.

* * *

As Laura had feared numerous injuries followed. Some minor, some so serious that they nearly took her husband from her permanently. So many of them that she stopped keeping track because she couldn't stand it.

Such as falling from a rooftop because he was the group's sniper and wasn't able to leave his perch before it was too late.

Such as taking a bullet for Bruce because they couldn't afford the Other Guy being unleashed.

Such as Clint using himself as a distraction and getting captured for two endless days so Tony could fly away with the irreplaceable, horribly dangerous item Hydra had.

Those type of occasions were bad enough. But the worst… Those had to be when Clint got injured because of his teammates. When his allies seemed to forget or couldn't take into account that they had a fragile human being fighting beside them.

There were more than one stray bullets.

And that one, absolutely horrible time when Big Guy _lost it entirely_ , as Clint tried to joke while still healing from several broken bones and severe internal injuries.

Then came that time when Laura would've really, honestly lost him if it wasn't for a miracle.

Laura had just packed the kids and groceries to her car when her phone started ringing. Her blood ran cold when she noticed that it was Natasha. Somehow she was able to stay upright, wobbly as her knees were. Somehow she even had the presence of mind to move behind the car, so she could make sure that the kids wouldn't see her face. It took a small eternity before a badly trembling finger finally accepted the call. "How bad?" she managed.

There was an unnerving pause. When Natasha spoke the redhead sounded nothing like her usual self. " _He… I think he was dying, when Thor took him to Asgard._ "

The whole world spun in front of Laura's eyes. She had no idea how long she held her breath to keep herself from screaming, because if she had started screaming she would've never managed to stop. She gulped several times but it did nothing to erase the lump sitting in her throat. She lifted her stinging eyes towards the sky. It was grey and miserable. How befitting. "What happened?" She didn't ask why Thor would take her husband to his home realm because there was only one, grim answer. On Earth Clint wouldn't have stood a chance.

It was impossible to identify the sound coming from Natasha. The Russian didn't sound as calm as she probably hoped to. " _There was a battle, and Thor had to use his hammer. Clint… was too close. He fell from a tree._ "

A bitter chuckle wanted to tear its way through Laura's throat. What came out instead was closer to a sob and she pressed her free hand as tightly as she could against her mouth. Surreal, all of this.

She hadn't realized how long she'd been quiet until Natasha spoke. There was a barely traceable hint of alarm in the Russian's voice. " _Laura?_ "

She swallowed once. Twice. Until she could be sure that she wouldn't throw up or start howling. "What are his chances?" She had to ask although she wasn't sure she wanted to know.

Natasha's silence spoke far too loudly. The barely audible words that eventually came were like a bullet through the heart. " _I have no idea._ "

* * *

Lila was asleep and would've been too young to understand what was going on even if she wasn't. But Cooper peered over his shoulder just in time to see his mom's shoulders start to shake, before she slumped out of sight. The child frowned, confused and scared.

Something was wrong.

It seemed to take hours before his mom finally entered the car. Her eyes had the kind of a look that scared him even more. "Mom?" he asked, desperate for a reassurance.

His mom wiped her eyes swiftly but he noticed, anyway. She refused to look towards him. "I, ah… I'm just a little sad, is all. Don't worry. It'll be over soon." It wasn't until a lot later she started the car and began to drive.

Cooper wanted to ask how he was supposed to not worry when she was like that. But he stayed silent and hugged his teddy bear tightly, biting his lip to not shed tears of his own. And he missed his dad from the bottom of his heart. His dad would've known what to do, how to help.

Later that evening, while his mom was cooking dinner, Cooper used all his stealth and became a little thief. His dad once gave him a number to use in case of an emergency. Maybe this counted as one? He sneaked to his mom's coat, took her phone and rushed back to his room before dialing.

" _Hi, this is Clint. I can't pick up right now but… You know what to do._ "

That was how Laura found her son, phone pressed to his ear and listening intently. She didn't have the heart to scold him over borrowing her phone without a permission. Not on a day like this.

The ate in an unnatural silence and somehow the one empty chair at the table was far more prominent than usual.

* * *

When Natasha arrived six long hours later, exhausted and every single one of her muscles aching from stress and the mission, she could tell that Laura needed a break. "Linda will be here in half an hour", she announced, referring to a babysitter who'd been deemed trustworthy through Fury's thorough background check. Making sure that the kids weren't there to see, she revealed two bottles of strong alcohol. "These are our babysitters. Something tells me that you need a drink as much as I do."

Laura's smile of sheer gratitude was small but honest.

An unclear amount of time later evening had darkened long since as they sat on the Farm's porch, both staring into a horizon deep in thought. "Asgard, huh?" Laura murmured at last. "Space traveling. That's new."

"I know." Natasha took a long sip of her drink and scowled at the taste. "Doesn't make sense to me, either."

After three more helpings Laura finally broke down to tears. Natasha didn't judge, comment or offer empty words. Just stayed, until the tears dried out almost half an hour later.

"This sucks", Laura announced while wiping her eyes.

"Yeah", Natasha affirmed and couldn't remember a time when she would've agreed with someone more. She frowned when Laura left, then returned with a hammer and struck it five times at a tiny hole on the porch. The damage had become at least three times at larger. "What are you doing?"

Laura shrugged. "Just… making sure that there's a project."

* * *

The waiting lasted for two endless months. During that time the only thing keeping Laura sane was the knowledge that at least Thor would've brought her husband back, if… It was thin comfort, at best. The waiting was torture at worst. Not knowing how Clint was doing… Unable to even imagine the place where he was… Laura, and the kids, might've actually gone insane if Natasha hadn't been there to help as often as she could.

Laura missed Clint's voice, because phone connections didn't exactly function between realms. Eventually she took Cooper's habit and called the archer's answering machine several times a day. She missed the subtle, barely noticeable little touches he tended to give her even more. It was incredibly hard to go through the days when a piece of her heart was somewhere worlds away. From time to time she found herself glancing towards the sky, wondering if he missed her, too.

Until _the day_ finally came. Laura was putting away the remnants of a late dinner no one had really felt the desire to eat, radio on to drown out the silence, when she felt it. A presence. Familiar eyes on her. She turned very slowly and stared, at least for a minute not believing that the man was actually there.

He was.

Laura was so overwhelmed that for a long she just stood there staring. Not knowing what to do when there was so much she wanted to do at the same time. In the end Clint made the decision for her.

He was limping, very obviously still in pain and more than a little frail. But when he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close he was familiar. It wasn't until she leaned against his stubborn heartbeat she managed to believed that she really had him back. Not wanting him to see her break down, she leaned her face against his chest and squeezed his shirt so tightly that her fingers hurt. She managed to loosen her hold only marginally when he shuddered from discomfort.

Clint swallowed thickly and held her the best as he could with the still recovering injuries. "Laura… I'm…"

"Apologize for being back home…", she hissed. All the agony and sheer terror she'd experienced lately sharpened her tone. "… and I'll punch you. Whether you're still healing or not."

Clint laughed breathily before murmuring "Yes, ma'am" and kissing the top of her head.

And from there, slowly, slowly, the true healing began.

Laura didn't remember the radio she'd left on until a very familiar melody reached their ears. 'As Time Goes By'. They looked at each other, both with red and teary eyes. And burst into giggles like a pair of teenagers.

"They're playing our song, Mrs. Barton", Clint pointed out.

Laura arched an eyebrow. Very slowly her hands slid down, until she was able to squeeze his behind. (She was immensely glad that it was one of those few parts of him that wasn't injured.) "What are you going to do about it, Mr. Barton?"

Clint's eyes twinkled in a manner that seemed to take ten years off his age. His hands slid down as well, until they rested comfortably on her behind. And so, without needing to say a word, they began to sway to the music.

For now they forgot about the fact that they were both still close to tears. They ignored injuries and the knowledge that Clint had to be taken to another realm or he would've died. They also ignored that there'd probably be some yelling later, when the archer's bruises had faded a little more. At the moment it was just the two of them and the music. For a few stolen moments all was right in the world.

Cooper and Lila sensed their dad's return, as they often did. Hiding in the stairwell, they watched their parents dancing. Both held one hand to their lips to keep their giggles from bursting out. For the first time in weeks even Cooper relaxed.

"Should we tell our little peepers that they've been caught?" Clint whispered in Laura's ear.

"Nah. Let them have their fun." She gave him a subtle little squeeze that made him shiver in the best way. "So… Here's a thought. Drag your aching bones to bed. I'll join you as soon as I've tucked in those two troublemakers."

Clint cleared his throat. "I, ah… I'm… not sure how much I'll be able to…" He trailed off, like an embarrassed pre-teen who tried to talk about birds and bees for the first time.

Laura gave his ear a teasing little bite, mindful to not let the kids notice. "Don't worry", she whispered huskily. "You… won't have to do a thing." So sue her for being… eager. She'd had far too much time to fantasize of this moment, to think about… possibilities. And apparently she wasn't the only one. She smirked when she felt his body-heat rise a fraction. A certain part of him was also responding. "What's this? Is the mighty Hawkeye blushing?"

"No."

"Liar."

"Tease."

* * *

"What did it look like?" Laura asked later, as they lay so close to each other that someone might've thought they were glued together. Sensing his frown she clarified. "Asgard."

"Different", Clint settled for after long, hard consideration. "Like something out of a fairytale. It's very beautiful." He kissed her damp hair. "But not as beautiful as you right now."

Laura snorted. But couldn't keep a stupid smile from her face. "You're such a corny sap, Barton."

"I know", he conceded. "But your corny sap. Always."

 _Always_. Laura wished that she would've been able to hold him tighter without irritating his injuries, just to be sure… "And don't you forget that."

Clint rested his forehead against her head. Then rubbed soothing circles to a special spot on her shoulder with his thumb. It worked like magic. Helped her relax again.

They basked in a satisfied, languid silence. Until Clint yawned and shifted with a groan he couldn't quite stifle. "… 'need a shower."

Laura shivered and shook her head, not letting go. "You're not going anywhere yet, mister." Oh, how she wanted to tell him to never go again. To never leave the bed, to never take another mission after which he might need a trip to another world to save his life. But she knew that she couldn't ask that and the weight on that knowledge made her stomach knot.

A kiss was planted to the tip of her scrunched nose. "Okay." It was impossible to tell if Clint heard what she couldn't say. "I'm not going." Not yet, at least. They still had time.

Slowly falling asleep in his safe arms, knowing that for now he was also safe in hers, Laura decided that she didn't want to know just how long 'always' actually lasts.

* * *

End of tale

* * *

A/N: Oh boy… Those poor, poor things! I can't even imagine how scared and helpless Laura must feel, with her husband away facing horrific threats and situations that (using Clint's own words) don't make any sense. Let's hope that the 'always' gets to last a while longer…!

SOOOOO… Thoughts? Comments? PLEASE, do leave a word or two to the box below! I LOVE hearing from you guys.

Awkay, because I'm determined to update something else today as well… Until next time! I really hope that you'll in for that one.

Take care!

* * *

 **SomeRandomHuman** : I'd say! So much pain and misery they both have to go through. (whimpers) Thank gosh their love is so strong (and that so are they)!

I'm MADLY in love with that movie! Especially with the songs. And the song's like made for Clint and Laura. (grins)

Massive thank yous for the review! Until next time.

* * *

 **Suteko1** : Awww, glad to hear that you've enjoyed the ride! And that's EXACTLY why I type so many fics about him. The poor guy doesn't get the love and viewer-attention he deserves! (BEAMS) We'll see what comes next…

Gigantic thank yous for the review!


	5. Off to a World We Call Our Own

A/N: Guess what, folks? I'M BACK! (grins) BUT, before diving to the new chapter…

THANK YOU, from the bottom of my heart, for your absolutely amazing reviews, love and support. They mean more to me than you'll ever know! (HUGS)

Awkay, because I know what you all came here for… LET'S GO! I really hope that you'll enjoy the ride.

 **Let's dive to the time after the Battle of Sokovia!**

* * *

Off to a World We Call Our Own

* * *

The news of Sokovia's chaos got to Laura faster than her husband's phone call did. Of course Natasha called as soon as she could. But it wasn't much comfort when the word was that Clint had sustained a gunshot wound while saving a little boy. True, the redhead assured the fretting brunette that the injury wasn't supposed to be life-threatening. But Laura knew her husband's ability to find trouble and complications even better than the Russian, so she refused to take a breath of relief before she'd heard Clint's voice. She was immensely relieved that the stress didn't trigger a premature labor.

Twenty-six hours after the floating city first made international news Laura was watching the newest update and doing her best to keep the kids from seeing it. She shivered when her phone started ringing and picked up in a flash upon noticing who the caller was. "Please don't tell me that you needed more spare-parts." She was aiming for a joking tone but it fell flat with the previous Sokovian disaster and the nearly fatal consequences too fresh in her mind. She wanted her husband far away from that cursed place and into her arms as quickly as possible.

Clint chuckle carried a great deal of exhaustion. But it sounded familiar enough to be a great comfort. " _Nah, just… a tiny little bit of patching up this time._ "

"You call having a gunshot wound 'needing a tiny little bit of patching up'?" she mused dryly, worry, relief and anger all swirling in the pit of her stomach. This was supposed to be _the last one_. And she almost…!

" _Tasha ratted on me, huh?_ "

Laura had to grin, upset as she was. "Yup. Because she's a good friend and as unimpressed by your ability to find trouble as I am."

She tried to make it sound like a joke but of course Clint heard the truth. He sighed. " _Laura, I'm sorry. Two… scares in a matter of days. I know it's…_ "

"… too much? Yeah, you could say that." At least she sounded marginally calmer. She sighed and ran a hand through her hair, convincing herself that husband was actually still alive. That this was just another scare, the last one, and he was coming home. "When are you coming home?" Because she wanted to hold him so badly that it was ridiculous.

" _I should be there tomorrow morning._ " Clint hesitated, and it became obvious that there was something he needed to get off his chest. " _Remember those twins I told you about? The ones who needed to be taught a lesson? The boy, he…_ " The archer trailed off for a few seconds and sounded nearly choked when he went on. " _He died. To save my life._ "

Laura shivered. _Oh, no…!_ Such a young boy, still a kid, gone like that… Out of all the things she expected to hear… She sighed heavily. "Oh, honey… I'm so sorry." It wasn't like he would've known the twins very long, or especially under the best of circumstances. But she knew her husband well enough to realize that he still felt responsible. Because they were just kids, and now one of them got killed on his watch, for him. Laura wanted to convince Clint that it wasn't his fault, that it wasn't his decision, because she could tell that the weight of the world had been laid on his shoulders. But she knew that it would've been of no use before he was ready to listen to reason. So she went for something else. "How's the sister?"

" _Wanda? She… isn't coping well._ " Clint hesitated again before voicing what was on his mind. " _Laura, she has nowhere to go._ "

Clint didn't have to say anything more for Laura to know what he was trying to ask. Wanda obviously couldn't stay anywhere near Sokovia after everything that happened. And she'd understood that the girl's relationship with Tony Stark's company was… complicated, at best. Which meant that staying in one of the billionaire's buildings wasn't exactly an option. With everything going on the rest of the Avengers were bound to have their hands too full to look after a traumatized, super-powered girl who just lost everything she'd had left in the world. And then there was Clint's guilt. She could tell that he wanted to have Wanda close so, as he saw it, he wouldn't fail another twin. This was a debt he owed the boy who gave his life for him, trusted that there was still someone left to look after his sister when he was gone.

Laura rubbed at her belly, where the baby was squirming madly. "Well… With the little monster I'm cooking up leaving me with the energy-level of a sloth… I think we need a babysitter." She wasn't a fan of having a total stranger in their home. Especially someone who just a blink of an eye ago was an enemy. But she trusted her husband's judgement. And with her heavily pregnant and Clint recovering they did actually need help with their two oldest. Besides… How was she supposed to turn her back on a child who had _nothing left_? If it was one of hers in Wanda's situation…

It took some time before Clint had composed himself enough to talk. " _Laura Barton, I…_ "

She smiled. "I know, you sap. Now come home. The kids are climbing the walls, anxious to hear stories of a floating city and you fighting an army of evil robots."

Clint laughed. Brief as it was, it was honest. The first sign of healing. " _It sounds even more insane when you say it._ "

* * *

Long ago as that time was, Wanda Maximoff – the last one left of her family – still remembered having a loving home. So clearly that the ache clawed at her whenever she wasn't on guard to watch out for it. When she saw the Barton Farm she froze, the far too familiar pain rushing through her like a tsunami. Because she could immediately sense the love and comfort she didn't think she'd ever experience again.

As though able to read her mind, Clint gave her shoulder a comforting squeeze. "Wait here, okay?" he instructed her softly. "I'll go and say 'hi' to the gang, then I'll introduce you to Laura and the rugrats."

Wanda nodded absentmindedly, barely hearing him. As he walked away she stared at the house, struggling to understand. This was a place of love and safety. Why in the world would he bring a monster here? Why take such a risk with someone who'd been locked up for a great part of her life because she was dangerous and unstable, a freak of nature?

Wanda swallowed thickly. "Pietro, what are we doing here?" she whispered. It wasn't until her hand fumbled for thin air she remembered that he wasn't right beside her anymore. The merciless reminder brought moisture to her eyes, no matter how hard she tried to hold it back.

Of course that was when Clint returned. He gave her a worried look, the ever-present guilt surging so strongly that she felt it without trying. "Wanda?"

She shook her head. "I'm alright, I'm alright." She took a deep breath, bracing herself, pushing the pain back with all her might. ('Get back up and keep moving on', story of her life. Which didn't make it any easier.)

Clint clearly wanted to say something but was interrupted when two kids approached them. The older one, Cooper, was more hesitant and kept his distance. The little girl made her way to Wanda, studied her with a tilted head and a shy smile. "Hi."

Wanda couldn't help but return the smile. After all the evils and horrors she'd faced lately the child's innocence was like balm. "Hi. You're Lila, right?" She fumbled with words, unsure how to approach. "You're… bigger than your daddy said."

Clearly she said the right thing because Lila's smile brightened. "You're pretty", the child complimented as shyly as she smiled before. "Are you a Disney Princess? Sokovia sounds like a fairytale land."

The stab of ache was harsh and unexpected. It struck Wanda breathless. She was beyond grateful when Clint stepped to rescue. "Guess what? Mom's arranging an ice cream party. The first one inside gets to choose the flavors." When the kids raced to the house he gave her an apologetic wince. "I'm sorry. I didn't know she'd…"

Wanda shook her head automatically, a fresh set of tears wanting to fall and stinging her eyes. "It's okay." Of course it wasn't. She looked away from him, feeling a little too exposed under his hawk's eyes. "Do you have mint chocolate? I… haven't had that in a while." Not since her parents…

Clint scoffed good-naturedly, not touching but close enough for his presence to feel soothing. "Do we have mint chocolate…" Even without looking she felt his grin. "You wound me, kid. Your doubt shows that you've never been to a Barton Ice Cream Fiesta before."

Wanda frowned. Feeling amused, curious and terrified all at once. "Barton… what?"

Clint laughed, the aura of guilt and sadness that'd been floating around him easing.

When they reached the kitchen the kids were arguing over flavors, too busy to hear or see them. Laura, on the other hand, smiled. The woman took Clint's hand and kissed the archer's cheek. He squeezed Laura's hand and leaned his cheek eagerly to her lips with a tender, satisfied little hum. It all seemed so familiar that it ached Wanda to watch. (She remembered her own parents loving each other exactly like that.) The older woman then gave her a smile. "Hey. Welcome to insanity."

It sounded so much like 'Welcome home' that Wanda didn't know how to process it. Nor did she have to. Because the kids were finally done choosing and everyone was given a mountain of ice cream. Which was devoured in the living room with the best of Disney and Pixar, loudly and messily. Maybe it was just because of the sugar-rush, but for the first time since her brother's death Wanda didn't feel all alone in the world. Even if the feeling would only last for a moment.

 _You would've loved it here, too, Pietro_ , she couldn't avoid thinking.

* * *

Later that night, with Wanda and the kids asleep, Clint and Laura lay naked in their bed. Sated and grateful beyond all belief to feel each other. Laura ran a gentle hand over her husband's carefully stitched and bandaged wound. "The last one?" she inquired, her tone not quite as light as she'd intended.

"The last one", Clint affirmed, and they both wanted to believe that it was true.

* * *

For the first few days having Wanda Maximoff around was a lot like having a friendly ghost in the house. Laura couldn't avoid feeling torn by the haunted look in the girl's eyes. The Sokovian's agony was so great that it was painful to just watch.

Laura noticed that Wanda had a lot of long talks with Clint. Whatever those were about they seemed to help them both, at least a little bit. Very often the girl also approached her, asking what she could do around the house to help. Which was when it became apparent just how young the twins were when their parents died.

Wanda knew how to make her bed and do basic cleaning up. But more advanced things, such as ironing and cooking… They were a mystery because no one ever had the time or bothered to take the time to teach the girl. So Laura did and discovered that the Sokovian was a quick learner and an eager student. Eventually Wanda shone from joy and pride upon facing her first successful lasagna. At that moment Laura wondered when was the last time the girl got the chance to act like someone of her age instead of a grown woman facing sickening situations.

Wanda was recovering, fighting tooth and nail to get out of the sea of sadness. But she was also grieving. And struggling horribly to find her place in the world after everything she'd ever known was stolen away and shattered. It was inevitable that eventually things would reach a boiling point.

Laura couldn't sleep because the baby had decided to start exercising in the middle of the night. Which was why she noticed the shudder with which her husband woke up from his light, restless slumber. She sighed and leaned her head against his chest. "Bad dreams about Sokovia again?"

Clint swallowed loudly and shivered. "That kid's face… when he…" The man rubbed at his face too roughly with both hands, subconsciously taking some distance from her. "Laura, he was so young…! Too young to…"

Laura's eyes flashed from anger and ache. The mental image of how differently things could've turned out made her feel sick. She wrapped an arm around Clint and curled as close to him as humanly possible. Needing to feel him there, to remember that he stayed true to his promise and made it back to her. "Don't you dare, don't you _ever_ , feel bad about making it home, Barton. Don't you dare…" She trailed off for a long moment when her feelings and raging hormones got the better of her. "Because… Because I thank whoever or whatever may be listening, every day, that you got home." She took his hand gently and led it to where their youngest was kicking fiercely. "Feel that, you dummy? He's happy that you made it home, too. That he'll know his dad from more than just pictures and videos." The thought was enough to make the tears roll and she buried her face to his shirt, embarrassed. "So don't you dare…!"

Clint interrupted her with a long, searing kiss that was close to becoming a desperate one. Because no words would've been enough to express what he needed her to know. The kiss was followed by another, different one. Which led to wandering hands and husky, sinful noises. Until the baby inside her kicked harshly enough to startle them both, clearly expressing his opinion.

For a few seconds the adults stared at each other. Then burst to laughter. "We're screwed", Laura announced in between giggles. "This baby… He's gonna be as much of a handful as you."

Clint smirked. Without a doubt about to comment cheekily. Until Wanda was screaming.

It scared them both. But Clint was out of the bed and clothed in a flash, his wound be damned. "Nightmare", he explained. "She's… had a lot of those."

Laura didn't want to ask how he knew so she didn't. Instead she crawled out of the bed as well, putting on a bathrobe. "You go to her", she urged. "I'll tell the kids that everything's okay." Because if the scream startled adults she could only imagine how it rattled small children.

By the time Laura made it to her kids' room they were stood in the hallway, pale and wide-eyed. "Mom?" Cooper demanded. "What's wrong with Wanda? She screamed."

Laura sighed and kissed her son's hair, then pulled her daughter into a hug. The child clung to her nearly desperately. "Just a bad dream", she reassured them. "Daddy's there to make sure that she's okay."

That seemed to help the children relax, because they always felt better when their parents comforted them after bad dreams. "Good", Lila sighed and yawned. "Daddy's hugs are magic."

Laura couldn't help but smile. "Yeah, sweetheart. They are."

When Laura peered into Wanda's room Clint was hugging the teenager, who held back with such force that it had to irritate his injury, crying hysterically. There was a heartbreaking amount of anguish on the girl's pale face. Laura's eyes widened when she noticed that every small item in the room was floating in the air, spinning wildly.

"I felt… I felt him die again", Wanda whimpered barely audibly. "I felt… I screamed, and screamed… but he didn't hear me… I felt him…"

"Shh…" Clint stroked the girl's hair gently, blatantly ignoring the potential threat of getting hit by one of the objects suspended in the air. "You've been bottling it up for too long, kid. That's what this is about, that's what your dream tried to tell you. Just let it all out. I know how bad it hurts, but let yourself fall apart, just for a little while. I'll help you get yourself back together when you're done. It's okay."

And Wanda did just that. Because she couldn't keep it together anymore, because she was finally with someone who said that it was okay to show weakness. With a new, quieter scream of anguish she let herself fall apart. This time it didn't happen with her powers but properly, all her pain and longing flowing out with the tears she'd held back for too long. Clint held her through it all. Even when the items finally started falling, a couple of them hitting him on their way down.

"Better?" Clint murmured when Wanda was finally done, so exhausted that she was trembling. He smiled sadly and kissed the girl's hair, just like he often did with his children, when she shook her head. "I know. But it will get better. I promise."

Wanda seemed to believe him, even if it was obvious that she didn't feel much better. She looked utterly drained when she sighed heavily. "Tha…"

"Thank me and I'll eat all your mint chocolate ice cream", Clint threatened playfully.

Laura was so captivated by the sight that she shivered when the kids appeared. Lila was carrying a jar of cookies. "Cookies always help when I feel bad", the little girl announced seriously. "They'll help Wanda, too. Right?"

Laura smiled at her daughter. "I guess it doesn't hurt to try."

Cooper saw the state of chaos the room was in. His eyes widened. "Who made this mess?"

"I… guess I did", Wanda confessed. She seemed a little uncertain, perhaps even scared. But at least the worst had passed. "You see… I have a… codename, just like your dad's Hawkeye. I'm Scarlet Witch. Because I can do stuff…" She lifted her hand and soon three books were floating softly, like dancing. "… like this."

Cooper's eyes widened further. "You're a real witch? That's so cool!"

Wanda seemed surprised, like no one outside family had complimented her before. She then gave a grin that looked a lot like one of Clint's. "It is, isn't it?"

* * *

Wanda's true recovery began from that night. She'd most likely always be a reserved person but she opened up to them the best as she could. Showed them the person she really was, deep down. Because she seemed to finally believe that she wasn't alone in the world, after all.

The children loved her. Lila was convinced that Wanda was an actual princess and wanted to be just like her. It was adorable to see the usually quiet and withdrawn Cooper warming up to her as well, spending as much time as possible with the much older girl. Chances were that she was his very first crush, before he even knew properly what the word meant. Laura continued to teach Wanda the basics of housework, discovered that even something as seemingly simple as a trip to a mall was an adventure for the Sokovian. She did what she could to show the future Avenger what normal life was all about, wanting to make up for at least a tiny bit of the things the girl had missed out on. Laura was pleased to see Wanda smile a little more each day.

While Laura helped Wanda with the normal, Clint helped with the rest. Taught Wanda what it meant to be an Avenger. Even helped the girl learn more control over her powers. Yoga seemed to do wonders to the both of them. Whenever one noticed the other's head filling with too many unpleasant things a session on the porch was suggested. (Laura was pretty sure that no one outside the family would've believed how happy and content the archer was to just still for almost two hours straight.)

That sunny afternoon Cooper peered outside to see his dad and Wanda sitting on the porch side by side, their eyes closed. He frowned. "What are they doing?"

"Just taking some downtime", Laura replied. It became apparent that such was needed when a borderline panic attack nearly caused Wanda to blow up a bathroom. She still wasn't sure how to feel about having someone that dangerous under their roof. "Tomorrow's a tough day, remember?" They'd finally gotten Pietro's body back from the officials investigating the disaster of Sokovia. Now it was time for the funeral. The day might be almost unbearable to both Wanda and Clint

"Yeah." Cooper frowned, still observing the yoga session. "That looks weird." Before she got the chance to correct him the boy went on. "Can I go, too?"

"Maybe some other day." Laura had a feeling that an intrusion was the last thing the two needed, when they had so much to process. "I need some help with these carrots."

Clint and Wanda were unaware of their audience. "So…", Wanda murmured, cutting the silence that'd lasted for over an hour. "Tomorrow, huh?"

"Yeah."

Wanda opened her eyes, sensing something as clearly as she felt it. "You still feel guilty." It wasn't a question.

Clint didn't open his eyes but breathed so sharply that he definitely heard her. It took a long time before he spoke. "I… just still don't get it. Why someone so young is dead and an old man like me walked away."

Wanda took his hand. Finally able to return some of the support he'd given her. "I… saw that you have a family right before you struck me with an arrow." It felt surreal to realize how little time had passed from that day. "Because you were thinking about them so loudly." She looked away, squinting her eyes against the sunlight. "Pietro and I… We know what it's like to lose a father. And… He chose to rather die than make your kids go through that. I'm at peace with his decision. You should be, too." She clenched her jaw. "If it wasn't for you, and the Avengers… We would've died as Hydra's slaves. It would've been a slow, painful and meaningless death. And it would've been torture to Pietro, because he hated captivity more than anything." She took Clint's hand and gave it a squeeze. "We were both free to choose, Pietro and I. And eventually we did the right thing."

Clint clearly didn't believe her. But at least her words soothed him. He sighed, sounding old beyond his years. "You know, kid… Wherever your brother is… He's proud of you."

Wanda leaned her head against his shoulder and said nothing. If either of them noticed the tears in both their eyes, neither mentioned it.

* * *

The funeral was every bit as horrible as Wanda had expected. The service was beautiful, of course. But knowing that her brother was in that wooden box, still and lifeless… It hammered home that she'd never, ever see him again. She was beyond glad that it was raining so all of her pain wasn't quite so visible to the rest of the world.

All the remaining Avengers and Bartons were there to support her. Reminding her that she wasn't all alone in the world, even if she felt that way on a day like that. Lila and Laura both hugged her tightly before they even left for the ceremony. Cooper was quick to grab the hand Clint wasn't already holding for support when at one point she couldn't suppress a pained whimper. The Avengers offered their condolences, more than one even with a hug.

Vision's embrace made her feel… something she'd never experienced before. "If you need anything… Anything at all…"

She hugged him tighter, wishing that she was able to smile. "I know. Thank you."

Vision opened his mouth but before he could utter the words Tony interrupted him. "Alright, you two, get a hotel room." Neither was quite sure what that was supposed to mean. Some tension lingered in the air when the billionaire and Wanda looked at each other. "I'm sorry." And Tony was, for so much more than her losing her brother.

Wanda nodded. "I know." She took a breath. "We'll talk. Later." She was finally ready to listen.

"Later", Tony echoed.

Afterwards it was Wanda and Clint standing in front of the fresh grave. They stared at it although neither wanted to see it. "We made it through this", Clint didn't quite manage to joke, his eyes red.

Wanda squeezed his hand. And breathed. It hurt, but not as badly as before. "I… I know where he is, now", she blurted out. She went on when the archer gave her a questioning look. "He's… here. Everywhere." _He was more like you than you'll ever know._

She wasn't sure if he knew what she meant. Clint didn't quite smile but his eyes softened. Just then they heard Laura's voice. "Ready to go home, you two?"

Even on one of the most horrible days of her life, Wanda found comfort from the thought that she might still have a home, a place where she belonged.

* * *

Laura found their house full that night. None of the Avengers wanted to be apart right after they buried one of their own. There weren't enough beds for everyone but that didn't seem to be a problem. By one in the morning almost the whole gang had gathered to their living room's floor, mattresses filling the space.

With how loudly Thor snored, flat on his back in the middle of the floor, it was a miracle that anyone else got any rest. Sam was also snoring softly, one leg stretched out so that his toe almost touched Steve's nose. The Captain, who slept at a spot from where he could keep an eye on everyone, didn't seem to mind. Tony and Rhodey were wide awake, plotting some sort of an experiment on the other side of the room. With how excited the billionaire seemed, Laura was sure that she'd sleep better unable to hear the whole thing. Natasha had retreated to the porch a while ago. Laura had a feeling that the longing for Bruce would sting like a thorn for a while longer. Wanda had cried herself to sleep close to Clint, her tears silent and proud, for only a few people to see. Vision was reading a book on her other side, unable to keep himself from casting glances towards her sleeping form. Cooper was sandwich between the redhead and his dad, a childish pout on his slumbering face. Between Laura and Clint Lila clung to her daddy like an octopus, a smile on her face as she dreamt.

Laura watched them all. And chuckled breathily with a shake of head just as the baby did what felt like a backflip inside her. "When did our family get this huge?" she whispered.

For the first time in over a day Clint smiled, then kissed her soundly. When they ran out of oxygen he pulled her as close as he could without crushing their daughter. "I wish Pietro got the chance to experience this", Clint sighed.

"Me too", Laura admitted sadly.

They lost someone, a kid who never got the chance to become a man. It was cruel and unfair. But they still had each other and all these other people. And despite the still lingering grief everything was right in their mad world once more.

Kissing her husband's hair, Laura sent the Speedster a silent thank you for making sure that her husband made it back home. For sparing her from _that_ loss, just before Clint was supposed to come home for good. It was a debt she'd never be able to repay.

* * *

A week later Tony appeared to take Wanda to the new Avengers Facility. Laura watched with amusement how her husband gave the billionaire a stern look. And wondered if he'd look the same when meeting Lila's future partner for the first time. "Take good care of her."

Tony nodded resolutely. "Of course I will, Feathers. Stop worrying." The billionaire then grinned. "Don't be a stranger, yeah?" The man pointed a finger towards Laura's belly. "And you, buddy… I'm expecting to see you soon."

Laura groaned when the baby jumped and turned. "That makes two of us", she huffed. Then made his way to Wanda and gave her a long, tender hug. "Stay safe. And visit often."

"I will", Wanda promised, sounding as teary as she did. Once their embrace ended the girl wrapped her arms around Clint. "Thank you. For everything."

Clint snorted and held her tight. "For what? Doing what any decent human being would?" Of course they all knew that it was more than that. He gave the girl a firm look. "Remember that you're welcome here at any time. And I may be retired but whenever you need me… Whatever happens… I'll be there for you. Don't ever forget that."

Minutes later chaos erupted when Cooper and Lila burst outside to also say goodbye. The parents watched the whole thing with identical small smiles. "She'll be okay. You know that, right?"

"I know", Clint admitted. He lifted his chin in a manner she recognized all too well. "I'll make sure of that." He blinked with confusion when she kissed his cheek. "What did I do to deserve that?"

Laura shook her head before leaning it against his shoulder. "Nothing. I'm just happy that you're the father of my kids." It wasn't easy, and far too often it was painful. But she hadn't regretted deciding to be with him for even a second, ever. Because she couldn't imagine wanting _this_ with anyone else. If the way the baby moved inside her was any indication that little one agreed.

It was merciful that she didn't know yet what was still to come…

* * *

End of tale

* * *

A/N: Awww! Wasn't that sweet? Even if also sad. BUT… That final sentence is hanging upon the Bartons and us like impending doom, just like the story's summary. Just WHAT will happen in this one's final addition…? (gulps)

SO, folks… Was that ANY good, at all? PLEASE, do let me know! Hearing from you ALWAYS makes my day.

Until next and (dang, we're already there…!) last time! I REALLY hope that you'll all join in for that turbulent flight…

Take care!

* * *

 **PrincessFirestar** : Yup, that bad. (winces) If you wanna get Clint's side of the story… It's in chapter 'The Hammer of God' in my 'SOS Hawkeye' collection. (grins)

Sadly, I doubt Laura ever got to see Asgard. Such a shame! She would've loved it.

Massive thank yous for the review!


	6. Plus 1: Walking the Tightrope (With You?

A/N: SOOO… I think I'm not the only one who was dreading this chapter. Because THIS, is where it HURTS… (gulps) There's only so much Laura can take and 'Civil War' is where she meets her limit.

THANK YOU, from the bottom of my heart, for your absolutely amazing reviews, love and affection! They've definitely helped bring this to a conclusion. (HUGS)

SO… Are you ready? No? Neither am I. But LET'S GO, anyway! I'm sorry…!

ADDITIONAL SONG FOR INSPIRATION: 'Happy Ending' from Mika

WE'VE REACHED THE PART OF THE 'TIGHTROPE' SCENE WHERE CHARITY REALIZES THAT SHE'S DANCING ALONE… (And yeah, the question mark is behind the title for a reason. I always hear it when I listen to the song, and... it sort of fits this chapter...)

* * *

Plus 1 – Walking the Tightrope (With You?)

* * *

Having Clint home, safe and sound, far away from all that danger and insanity… It felt better than Laura could describe. After having spent so much time missing him, fearing that she might never see him again, having him in her arms every night was intoxicating.

But despite the euphoria Laura didn't dare to relax. Not really. Because while she loved Clint, from the bottom of her heart… While she knew, with absolutely certainty, that she and the kids were his world, that he loved them more than he could say… She knew that he was struggling with the sudden transition to a stay-at-home dad. Because while he made the most of every single day he had with them, she saw his restlessness, noticed the shadows haunting his eyes on occasion. He'd spent too much of his life fighting to be able to stop with the snap of fingers, just because he was told that he could. None of that surprised her, no matter how much seeing it hurt. Nor could she blame him. She'd known the man he was before she decided to spend a lifetime with him.

So Laura cherished every single day. Took every opportunity she got to hold him. She told herself that he'd get a hang of it all eventually. That they just needed some time.

Until the day she'd dreaded finally came, like a thunderstorm after a long heatwave.

* * *

Somehow Laura knew, deep down. The second the phone rang. A cold she couldn't explain filled absolutely all of her and her skin crawled. Something that seemed to have long, razor sharp nails squeezed her heart.

She'd been dreading this ever since she first heard about the Accords. (Clint immediately refused to sign, announcing that he was retired. She noticed easily how tense he became, just like he always did when bracing himself for a mission. Eventually he headed for a run and didn't come back until hours later. The apology in his eyes and in the way he touched her scared her senseless. Because it reminded her of _before_.)

Clint left the bed almost soundlessly with his phone, most likely imagining that she was still asleep. She got up equally quietly as soon as he was out of the room. By the time she made it to the window he stood at the porch. His back was to her but she _saw_. Of course she did.

He tensed up like his bow's string. A few moments later the tension faded, leaving his shoulders slumping. Her eyes growing blurry, Laura watched him put away the phone. He stared at the horizon for a long time. Then kicked the porch's railing almost hard enough to break it and shoved a fist into his mouth, most likely to not startle the kids with his scream.

By the time Clint finally felt ready to come back inside Laura had gone back to bed. He hesitated behind the bedroom's door, as though unsure if he was worthy of entering. Laura turned her head just in time to catch his lips with hers. The way they claimed each other was intense, desperate.

(' _Don't you dare…!_ ') (' _I'm sorry._ ')

They both pretended that they didn't notice the other's tears.

* * *

Clint stalled for as long as he could. But he knew, all too well, that the bomb would have to go off eventually. His voice was barely audible as he let the words fall, his eyes closed to spare him from having to see the damage. Subconsciously he tightened his hold on Laura, savored the feeling of her beside him while he still could. He imprinted every detail of her to his mind carefully, in case… "Steve called." There was no response. "They… need me. Wanda needs me."

Laura didn't say anything but suddenly the back turned towards him seemed to be made of stone.

Feeling a desperate need to fill the suffocating silence, Clint rambled on. Explained everything he knew about the Winter Soldier Program. Said that he couldn't sign the Accords if it meant that those like Wanda would be under a metaphorical microscope. (Hadn't she spent enough of her young life as a glorified lab-rat?) He told everything and anything he could think of to make Laura understand why he had to…

Laura left the bed so quickly that he shivered. Her whole body was trembling in a manner that tore at his heart while she got dressed. Never once did she glance his way. "Fifteen minutes", she demanded sharply, uncompromisingly, then left him behind. (It killed him, to realize that she had to feel a thousand times worse every time he left. Now he'd put her through it again, after promising – swearing up and down – that _never again_.)

Clint didn't feel quite steady on his feet as he left the bed and made his way to the window. His chest clenched when he saw her there, back towards the house and her body shuddering from sobs. It was the first and last time he ever saw her smoking.

Clint joined Laura exactly fifteen minutes later. Wondering what he could possibly say, to try and fix… everything. "Laura, I'm so sorry. But I can't just…"

"I know. Don't you think I get it? That's… That's not the point. I always supported your Avenging. Even though it's nearly killed you way more times than I want to count. But this… This is different." Laura wiped her eyes, then finally looked towards him. So furious and sad at the same time that it was painful just to watch. "You're about to betray a bunch of friends for others! You're planning on doing something criminal! Do you understand that?"

"Of course I do!" Clint hadn't meant to sound quite so defensive. Just, the word 'criminal'… It was never supposed to be associated with him again. Once more all too aware of his wife's agony, he softened. "Hey. I won't even be gone that long. Tony will probably never even know that I was there."

"And what if something goes wrong?" Laura's fear, sheer terror, was as palpable as her frustrated fury. "What if they arrest you? How am I supposed to explain the kids that their dad's in jail?"

To their shame, neither had any idea of their far too young audience. "Mom? Dad?" Cooper seemed scared as the child looked at them with wide eyes. "What's going on?"

* * *

"I… don't understand." Cooper sounded as hurt and confused as only a child can. "You guys are supposed to be heroes."

Clint sighed heavily and wondered if he'd sound as exhausted as he felt. It was like he'd aged decades in a matter of hours. "I know, buddy. Sometimes adult stuff can be so confusing that it makes your head hurt."

"Like too much ice-cream."

"Exactly." Sensing the sadness radiating from his son, Clint wrapped one arm around the boy. Then attempted to explain better. "They're not criminals, even Bucky. There's… a really bad man behind it all. And we have to find him before he does some horrible stuff." He went on when Cooper said nothing. "I'm sorry I have to go again. But… The good guys are in a big fight. They're hurt, lost and can't think clearly. I've gotta go and see if I can help."

Cooper's brows furrowed further. The child's hand twitched towards his but didn't grab. "I thought you're retired and not picking sides. Or signing that accor… paper thing. And they're adults. Aren't adults supposed to know how to talk things through when they fight? Like you told me to do with Danny? We could do that when we were seven. Why can't they?" (When did the boy get so big and mature…?)

Clint smiled sadly. "I think I'll repeat that to Tony and Steve when I see them. I guess no one taught them that lesson."

Cooper said nothing, only finally took his hand and held on with all his might. The heavy silence lingered for a long time. "You're not gonna get arrested, right? Heroes aren't supposed to get arrested." The boy finally met his eyes, the child's full of fear, sorrow and disappointment. "We were supposed to go water skiing."

Clint couldn't say anything to that. Well, anything aside empty promises. _I'm no hero, kid. Isn't this enough proof for you?_ "We'll go water skiing when I come back."

Cooper didn't seem convinced, and it marked the first time his older son didn't believe in him. Tears gathered to the boy's eyes despite visible resistance. "Let them fight. Stay home, please." And that, was the first time Cooper ever begged with him.

Forget about the previous hurt. Clint's heart shattered, right there, and he could barely keep his own tears at bay. "I wish I could stay, buddy. But they're family, too. And they need me."

" _I_ need you!" Cooper countered with the venom only a child could muster, the tears finally falling.

"Hey." Clint kissed the top of his son's head. "Don't worry. I'll be back soon." He could only hope, from the bottom of his heart, that he'd be able to keep _that_ promise. "Guess what? I'll bring Wanda with me."

Cooper's eyes brightened minusculely at that. For exactly four and a half seconds all was right in the world. Then the boy let go of his hand abruptly, like his skin had burned, and lay down on the bed. Back turned towards him in a loudly speaking manner. The gesture said all necessary.

Clint had never felt as painfully lot like the letdown his own father was as he did then, knowing that there were no words that'd comfort his son.

* * *

Nate was sleeping soundly when Clint approached his youngest. The father took some time to admire his son, to hammer into his thick skull just how much he had to fight for. To remind himself how much could be lost if Zemo unleashed the Winter Soldiers. Not for the first time he wished that he was the type that could stand by and watch others do the fighting.

He brushed Nate's clenched fist gently with his finger. The fist opened and tried to grab but failed. Nate huffed and yawned.

Clint swallowed thickly. "I know that I'm an idiot", he confessed. "But… How am I supposed to turn my back on friends who need me?" He grimaced, unaware of the tear that slipped. "Do… Do your mom, and yourself, a favor, and don't grow up to be like me. Be smarter. Do better at choosing. And…" He gulped again. It did nothing to erase the lump. "And try not to hate me. A lot. You… may be the only one of my kids who doesn't hate me, if this goes wrong."

Nate's eyes opened halfway, studied him thoughtfully. They were so much like his that it took Clint's breath away for a second. "I need you to believe me, because no one else may. So listen good." He was encouraged to go on when Nate stared at him, breathing hard. "You kids, and your mom… You mean more to me than anything else. Always have, always will. I… I wish I'd do better job at proving it."

Nate kept looking at him for a little while longer. Then, decision made, yawned and went back to sleep. Clint couldn't help wondering what his child's verdict was.

There, with no one who'd remember present, Clint gave himself the chance to break down, just a little bit.

* * *

Clint saved Lila for last because he had a feeling that seeing her would hurt the most. The moment his daughter saw his mission gear both their hearts shattered. In seconds tears pooled into Lila's eyes. "Daddy, you promised…!"

"I'm sorry", Clint whispered, his voice breaking. He wondered bitterly how many times he could repeat those words before they'd go empty. "But… This isn't like the other times. I'll be back soon. And then I won't go away again." Which one of them was he trying to convince?

Lila shook her head fiercely, the tears running freely by then. "I don't believe you. _Last time_ was supposed to be the _last time_ ", she argued, sounding utterly heartbroken. He took a step closer but stopped when she hunched and shook her head even more vehemently. "NO! You… You don't wanna stay, not really. SO GO AWAY!"

Clint's eyes were stinging hellishly and welling up, too. "Of course I want to stay!" he insisted, desperate to make her believe him.

Lila threw the coloring pen she'd been using at him. It hitting hurt far less than her words. "GO AWAY! I HATE YOU!"

Even if Clint knew that she didn't really mean it, that she might regret her words soon, a tiny piece of him died right there.

* * *

Laura was doing the dishes when it was her turn. The closer Clint's hesitant steps got the more she tensed up. "The kids took the news as well as I did, huh?"

Clint's silence and the sadness radiating from him in waves answered for words. Laura was about to continue with something bitter and perhaps uncalled for. Instead she succumbed to a single sob that refused to be contained any longer.

"Hey." Clint's hand touched her shoulder but he pulled it away when she shuddered. (No matter how much she tried not to, the ache radiating from him made her feel guilty.) "I'll be back before you know it."

"And if you won't be, I'll hear it from the news, won't I?" Laura snapped. Her head was spinning, and this was all happening way too fast… "Barton, why are you throwing yourself into this mess?"

It took a second or two before Clint replied. "They're my mess, remember?"

"And the kids and I aren't?" Laura was so close to crossing a line that she felt it, as clearly as the tears filling her eyes all over again. "Why are you leaving us when I can feel that you don't want to?"

"Laura, I can't turn my back on them!" Clint sounded hurt, and frustrated. "I have to help them!"

"This isn't supposed to be your battle! Let _them_ handle this!" Laura glared at the floor, determined to look past her clenched and trembling hands, and saw through blurry eyes that there was a tiny crack. Another project… "You…" She swallowed and hated herself for… losing it like this. But despite having somehow known that this was coming, just hours was nowhere near long enough to allow her to compose herself. "You promised…!" _You weren't supposed to put me through this anymore!_

"I know. And I'm sorry." He meant it, from the bottom of his heart. Realizing that didn't make her feel any better. He almost touched her again before changing his mind. "Like I said, I'll come back to you, like I always do. I made a promise once, remember?"

Laura couldn't process this, hadn't had the time to work through the vicious ache trying to swallow her. This was all the hurt she'd ever felt while they were together coming out. Was it any wonder that her mouth functioned before her brain caught on? "What if I don't want you to come back?" (She was _done_ with goodbyes and broken promises!)

She felt Clint shudder like someone had shot him with a bullet. The moment her own words caught up with her Laura shuddered as well. She wanted to say that she was sorry, that she understood. She absolutely should've told him that she loved him and couldn't wait to see him again. But her tongue refused to function. And then it was too late. The front door closed and Clint's footsteps distanced before fading entirely.

The last thing he heard her say before leaving was questioning whether she even wanted him to return. And Laura would regret it for the rest of her life. Because this time Clint wasn't able to come back home.

* * *

End

* * *

A/N: Oh, man… Yup. That hurt a bit. Ouch! Can't blame Laura and the kids on being upset. But still. Ouch! Laura's ability to withstand the insanity failed at the worst moment.

SOOOOO… Everyone okay out there, after this emotional overload? Thoughts, comments? Was this a worthy final piece? PLEASE, do let me know!

THANK YOU, so much, for joining this emotional ride! (HUGS) Who knows. Maybe I'll see you around again someday.

Take care!

* * *

 **PrincessFirestar** : I never get tired of hearing that, you know? (giggles and hugs) It means the world to me that you've enjoyed the tale thus far so much. We'll see what the last bit brings… (winces)

Daddy-Hawk is THE BEST! (gets all starry eyed)

Gigantic thank yous for the review! Until next time.


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